You know those time when you thought someone really knew who you were and more than that that they actually cared, but then you found out that they didn't know you or care? That was my night.

Then I went to Fred's and it got better. But only a little.

Words

Faulker wrote a book called As I Lay Dying. In it one character says that "words are no good" and that they were invented by people who can't feel the meaning of the words so they have to make up words for the lack of feeling. Words are just "a shape to fill a lack." I think he was getting at the fact that when you love someone or when you are really afraid or really sad you don't need words for it because the feelings themselves are enough. They explain themselves. Words are for people who've never felt anything deeply enough to let the feelings be "unsaid." I couldn't agree more. This is a big deal because I really like words. My love language is verbal affirmation; words mean the world to me. To realize that words are still inferior to pure feeling is humbling, but Faulkner himself believed this, and he was one of the best American writers of all time. I think Faulkner is right because those times in life when I look at someone and we completely understand one another( and this doesn't happen much) it is a feeling that words just don't touch. It's a feeling to deep, to old for the newness of words. These feelings are as old as the earth itself, maybe older. Love, and I'm talking about intimate understanding and pure goodness, an entity Holy unto itself, is eternal because God is eternal and God is love.


On a completely different note, this song by The Weepies is currently my favorite. I woke up and baked a cake this morning and put this song on repeat. Pure bliss.

The World Spins Madly On

Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
I thought of you and where you'd gone
and let the world spin madly on

Everything that I said I'd do
Like make the world brand new
And take the time for you
I just got lost and slept right through the dawn
And the world spins madly on

I let the day go by
I always say goodbye
I watch the stars from my window sill
The whole world is moving and I'm standing still

Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
The night is here and the day is gone
And the world spins madly on

I thought of you and where you'd gone
And the world spins madly on.


It doesn't sound as depressing as it looks. And actually it really is a beautiful song because of the words not despite them. I think maybe we all feel this way sometimes.

Shoes

You can tell so much about people by their shoes. Seriously, if there's one thing I look at when I'm trying to figure someone out or to analyze someone it's what they wear on their feet. People pose in other ways, with other clothing, but shoes are generally true to the person beneath.

Why I Decided to Blog

I like to write; I really do. Perhaps that is why I am majoring in English. I've tried to journal before and have been moderately successful. But a lot of times I get tired of journaling, and then I get caught up with how messy my handwriting is and how I leave out something that I mean to say earlier and it bothers me that my thoughts are out of order. Again, these quirks make me a great candidate for an English degree.

I think I'd enjoy writing more if I did it as a blog. That way I can separate the endless papers I write for class from writing about myself, my thoughts, my life. It will help me organize my thoughts. I am a very analytical person, and I need a way to process all the thoughts crammed into my head or it weighs me down.

I used to live life feeling like I had to separate my thought life from my everyday actions. I remember waiting for summer just so I could sit around and think all the thoughts I needed to think but never had time to think during school. That is such a bad way to live. Now instead of just doing the things I have to do like school (I have always been really driven in school and while being good at school is a blessing it is also a curse. More on this later I'm sure.) I'm learning how to carve out time to do the things I want to do like reading and biking and hanging out and learning guitar and spending time with God and, well, just plain thinking.

Furthermore, for the time being, I've decided not to tell anyone about this blog. I have always been really skeptical of blogs because, honestly, who cares what color you painted your bathroom or what trick you just taught your dog. But lately I've come across a few blogs that made me change (at least partly) my attitude towards it all and actually made blogging look appealing instead of making me roll my eyes. I'm sure eventually I'll tell my friends about this, but right now I need to know that my thoughts aren't being read by the entire world. I'm much to insecure for that. More on that later, too, I'm sure.

So, here's to taking time out of life's sometimes suffocating flow of activity to merely think about my thoughts!